Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Cat and Mouse Stories of Eddie and Gulper

Gulper hates Ed, but Ed's feelings for Gulper don't share the equal hate. Ed fully understands that business men like Gulper need to run their business the best way he can, but Gulper doesn't need to be a jerk. Ed and Nessie once worked for a non-profit organization that was made to improve the living quality of fish and all ocean creatures. They would often cross paths with Gulper and his crazy free market schemes. Ed got his Cave house while trying to defend the thousands of barnacles, mussels, clams and other things that live in the cave. Gulper wanted to turn it into an apartment complex (like the ones that are a bed/bath that cost $1200 a month to live there and are marketed to families with 5+ kids, and they just dump apartments). Ed wanders deep through the cave and sees just how amazing everything is and won't allow the barnacles to be homeless. Ed gets lost in the cave but finds a cavern full of jewels. He feels wrong about stealing anything from it but grabs a necklace and vows never to take anything from the cavern again. He pawns the necklace which was valuable enough to buy the property from the previous owner to prevent Gulper from buying it. Gulper was fully aware of the jewels in the cave but was never thin enough to get them himself. So often times Gulper comes to Ed with a friendly proposition to buy out his cave, and Ed refuses every time.

Ed was walking along one day and sees a nest of fish eggs left all alone on the top of a large reef cliff. Not seeing any other fish around, Ed feels the need to watch over them to make sure they don't get hurt. He cuddles them, spins them around with currents, and reads them stories. As the night grows closer Ed gets worried about it getting too cold, so he decides to stay the night there. Not long after the sea grows dark, a crowd of construction workers come up from the deep and start to set up equipment around the far end of the reef bank away from Ed. They slowly move closer as they blow up and take apart pieces of the reef and set up new ugly houses. Ed gets more worried as they get closer, and soon enough one of the head construction guys pokes Ed around yelling at him to leave. Ed won't cause the Eggs still need to hatch. The construction guy calls the main boss of the project, and it turns out to be Gulper. Gulper remembers Ed putting up large protests of reef construction in the past, so he goes through a speech about he has the right to build here and how the houses he's building will give more homes to fish then the reef does now. Ed just weakly shows Gulper the Eggs and Gulper just gets grossed out (thinking they're his). Gulper says that if he's not gone by the morning, they're blowing up the whole reef with him on it. So Ed shields the eggs from flying debris and tells them stories the rest of the night. When the morning drew close, Ed closed his eyes and slept gently, but the eggs around him started to hatch and swim away. Ed woke up to see the last few swim off, waving to Ed with thanks. Ed gets up, dusts himself off and is about to head home when a big angry fish comes in yelling at Ed about eating her eggs. Gulper hears the commotion and, with the police man he had called to escort Ed away from the site, they check out the scene. The Lady fish is in tears thinking that this eel has eaten all of her babies and starts to beat on him. The police man ask Ed if this is true and Ed looks to Gulper to confirm that it isn't. Gulper looks to the police man and says he can neither confirm or deny if this "carnivore" had eaten her babies, he seemed pretty insistent on not wanting to leave, which is why he called the cops, to arrest this suspious interloper. The police man is about the arrest Ed when a few babies come back and tell them how he took care of them while the reef was being blown up. They let Ed go and the policeman scolds the mother about not being there to watch her own children. Don't expect another celebrity to come around and babysit your kids. Gulper just sneers under his umbrella (now that the sun is up) and leaves back into the dark.

In an Asian toy factory, Gulper and Koshi arrive to see a scene of chaos and dismay. Gulper is furious over the incompetents of his works, as they haven't finished a single toys in two weeks. The toy factory leader apologies to Gulper saying that the newest toy they had been working on is so crazy and unstable that it caused a halt of production. Gulper wants to see this toy, and they bring it out in a chained up box. Gulper opens it without fear and the employees duck and cover. Gulper turns the device on and it starts to tick-tock like a metronome. Soon all the fish start to bounce their heads to the beat the toys gives off and toy yells out "Are you ready?" Koshi smacks it out of Gulper's hands and turns it off. Koshi points out that the beat seemed to be sending out ultrasonic waves in the water that effected the lateral line of the fish. Seeing how it caused so much chaos to his factory workers, Gulper decides to send the toy as a gift to a friend. Back in CA, Eddie gets a gift from Gulper saying that his company wants to build toys for Eddie's show and they sent this one as a sample. Ed starts up the toy with the whole fish staff around, and the Toy calls out "Are you Ready?", and they all start to dance to some poppin music. Not long, Jenny comes in to see all the fish jumping around like crazy, and breaking things. The toys starts to poke and prod at Jen as she chases it around to turn it off. She finally smashes the thing into little pieces and all the fish feel sad about it. All Jen has to do is make a point that it's from Gulper and Ed gets an idea to send over his improvements to the toy. Gulper and Koshi get the toy back and it plays a Russian song that makes you kick other people in the ass.

One day Ed was doing a segment where he almost lets a swear slip, the kids get scared but Jen defends Ed by saying that she sure the kids heard their parents swear more then Ed. He laughs at Jen and says he sure she's swears more then Sailor in a FRoWN meeting. So Ed takes a moment to talk about swears and how at a certain point in your life where you'll get so upset you just need to swear, and then it's ok, cause swearing does make you feel better. Sharks says to swear at objects, like when your computer breaks on're not going to hurt the computer's feelings. But they all agree it's not classy to throw bad words around cause they're bad. Gulper was watching this program and thought it would make a perfect opportunity to call the studio heads, to complain about Ed telling children it was ok to swear. The studio comes to Jen and Ed a week later with a list of words they're no longer allowed to say cause they're naughty or bad. Ed and friends feel frustrated about this and decide to make up their own words to replace the naughty sounding ones. By the end of the production the things they were saying sounded more nasty then actually saying them with the real words. The studio calls them on this again and adds more words to the list. The next episode, noone says a word. Everything is mimed out or written. The studio doesn't like this either and when they talk to Ed about this he gets upset about every word they say acting as if they were bad words. The boss takes a hint and rips apart the list of words and Ed gets to say what he wants again. Gulper smashes his TV in anger.